Time Cannot Erase

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
~Kelly Clarkson

Chapter 6
Because of You

Zelda awoke with a scream from the same dream that plagued her so often over the past few years. She could swear she still could see the flames dancing on the walls of the castle. She shut her eyes with a shudder.

Trembling she sat up from bed. She put her hands to her eyes as though trying to rub the images out of her mind. When at last she sat up the first thing she saw was her book, "the Legend of Zelda", sitting on the table beside her bed. Sudden annoyance swelled up in her as she looked at it.
She didn't want to think about Link anymore. It hurt too much. She knew if he ever came back all it would hold for her would be another painful goodbye. She picked up the book and got out of bed. As she did so her eyes caught the large mirror that hung on her vanity. What she saw almost made her scream.

The eyes looking back at her from the mirror were not her own deep blue ones, but eyes of fiery red. Her long golden hair was lost in the reflection. The image before her showed hair of a more sandy color. It was covered in a hat but hung wildly over the flaming eyes. Her smooth, unblemished skin had been replaced by skin darkened and worn by the sun.

She stood staring into the face of a person she had not seen in many years, and thought she would never see again- though she had often seen him in her dreams.

"Sheik," she whispered hoarsely. One hand extended and touched the glistening surface. The reflection of Sheik followed suite. Their hands met through the glass. Though Zelda was staring into the mirror with an expression of utmost shock and dismay, Sheik smiled back at her, mischievously and almost beckoningly.

"No," Zelda whispered. "I can't."

Her faux reflection stared back unflinchingly.

"You're gone. You don't exist. None of it does," she said shakily. "It is over."

Suddenly a great sense of loss hit her as her own words penetrated as truth. She would never be Sheik again. Sheik was dead, and so was the life she had once known. Sorrow turned to fear and frustration which overwhelmed her.

"IT IS OVER!" she nearly screamed. Sheik's eyes widened as Zelda's hand left the glass and grabbed hold of the mirror's edge. With all her might she swung the mirror, flipping it over on its rotating hinge. The edge caught the wall behind it and with a chilling rattle the glass shattered. Shards fell to the floor, but some chunks remained in the frame. Through their cracked faces Zelda could faintly make out her own reflection: a girl filled with terror.

Shocked at what she had done, emotions overpowering her, she turned and thrust the book she held into the chest at the foot of her bed and slammed the lid shut, not wanting to lay eyes on it again. She didn't want to read it, think about it or even see it anymore. She didn't want to see any of it, anything that would make her think about it, about him….

Tomorrow she would tell Impa about the dreams. She had to make it all go away. Impa would know what to do. By this point Zelda was willing to try anything to purge the image of her own smoldering death from her eyes: no matter what it would take.

"What were you thinking? Have you no respect at all for my authority or your position?" the king shouted across the hall.

Zelda stood in her usual spot across from his throne, staring into his red, angry face. She had been waylaid on her way to find Impa by one of her father's guards. She was summoned, once more, to stand before her father. Like a prisoner before a judge she was awaiting her execution.

"Of course, Father," she replied stonily.

"I don't know what to do with you! I am this close to keeping you under lock and key, if that is what it takes to make you come to your senses. That boy is trash, and you are not allowed to see him!"

Zelda bit her tongue. Arguing would get her nowhere.

"Having you parade around in the open like a common peasant is enough to shame me to my grave. For a thousand years our family has worked to create a legacy of honor and greatness that will never be forgotten, and now my only daughter is single handedly tearing down all we have built!"

Zelda clenched her fists and fought to stay in control.

"What do you think I am, a fool? I am no fool, and I will not allow you to make me into one. I thought putting you on my council would help you grow up, but all I see coming from you is worthless treaties and ideas that will lead to war with the Gerudos. I am ashamed to leave you on the council. The other members are losing faith in me through your actions. The entire country thinks you have lost your mind. What can I do with you, Zelda?! What are you trying to do to me? What would your mother think if she saw you?"

Instantly Zelda's eyes began to burn. He never spoke of her mother. Ever.

"She was a woman of integrity and nobility. What are you doing with her name? What do you think you are doing?"

Zelda could stay silent no longer. "I am not ashamed of myself!" she cried. More emotion was flowing through her than she had ever felt before. She knew now that she had opened her mouth there would be no stemming the flow. "All I have ever done is try to make you proud! I've done all I can. I have joined your council. I have spent years of my life working to help you make Hyrule a better place. I have done everything in my power to make you proud and to carry on the honor of our house."

"Do not raise your voice with me!" the king shouted. "All you have done is talk of weak truces with inferior groups. You've done nothing to make peace with the Gerudos. You've done nothing about the weakening economic situation. You've done nothing about the labor disputes in Kakiriko Village or any other of the growing towns and cities."

"I'm looking toward the future, trying to keep peace. That is not weakness," Zelda began.

"It is when you treat inferiors as equals," her father protested. "You show no respect for our superiority."

"You are just upset that I won't bend over backwards to let the Gerudo thieves terrorize the people of Hyrule's small towns and villages," Zelda retorted.

"The possessions of a few peasants are nothing compared to war with the Gerudos. You said you stand for peace."

"There can be no peace under oppression. Why is it that you are so willing to trample the rights of the more docile peoples of Hyrule yet you are unwilling to stand up to salvage the rights of your own people when it is inconvenient for you?" Zelda asked in bewilderment.

"That is not under your jurisdiction," her father glared at her. "I put you on my council in hopes that it would help you grow up. All you have done is shamed me further. All you have done is made a public mockery of yourself. You have brought dishonor on my name, your mother's name and your own name. She would be ashamed of you," he spat.

Never before had any words cut Zelda as painfully as did those. With one sentence he had ripped her heart out. She felt empty: hollow. She had nothing left to lose and nothing holding her up. In complete desperation she exploded. "You don't care. You've never cared! You don't care what anyone thinks of me as long as it doesn't taint your own precious legacy. You only care for yourself. What are you afraid of, Father?"

"Silence!" he roared. The entire room shook, including Zelda. She stopped, silent. "If you will not grow up on your own, then I will find a way to make you grow up. You are not to leave the castle. If my orders are ignored the consequences will be dire. Go to your room, now!"

Zelda was glad. She didn't want to look at him anymore. She pushed the doors open and slammed them behind her.

It had been only two days since the incident with Link in the market. She knew it would be a long, long time before he returned to Hyrule.

Now, she needed Impa- the closest person to a mother she could really remember. Impa, however, had been gone for the past week, in the sacred realm with the Sages. Zelda walked to her room, preparing to spend the remainder of the evening alone and simmering with hurt and anger.

To her surprise when she reached her room Impa was waiting outside the door. Without a word Impa enclosed her in a hug and led her into her chamber.

"How can he do this? How can he treat me this way?" Zelda sighed.

"Sometimes I feel…" she hesitated to say it, but she was speaking to Impa, and she trusted her completely, "that he doesn't even love me at all."

"He does love you," Impa replied simply.

"Link saved him. Link saved his life," she paused, her eyes growing distant and shadowed. "I watched my father murdered before my eyes. At that moment I knew I would do anything to bring him back. Together, Link and I did. Link saved him, just as he saved all of Hyrule. Yet how does Father repay us- by locking me away, by calling me a liar, by banishing Link and driving him away in exile."

"If you will remember, it was that same father who stood between you and Ganondorf on that day. Ganon had come for your life, Zelda, and your father stood in his way. He refused to allow Ganon to harm you. Your father gave us enough time to escape. He died to save you - because he loves you," Impa's voice was full of compassion.

Zelda was torn. Somewhere inside she loved her father, and she hoped that he loved her too. All her life she had tried to get him to tell her, to show her, to exemplify in any way that he cared for her. He had hurt her more than anyone else in her life, and yet she spent most of her life trying to gain his love.

"He'll never be what you wish him to be," Impa said simply, almost sharply.

Zelda's head flew up, her eyes reflecting horror. It was such a simple sentence: such a simple concept. She didn't want to hear it. If that were true then everything she had ever worked for was pointless. The most painful part of all was that she knew Impa was right.

"You can't change who he is," Impa continued.

Zelda felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "I just wish he would-"

"He doesn't know how to tell you," Impa read her thoughts. "It simply isn't his way. He is a proud, strong and stubborn man. In some strange way, I think he believes he is showing how much he loves you by protecting you from something he sees as a threat, no matter how absurdly, condescendingly, or horribly he does so. Some of us simply have a hard time expressing what we feel."

"You're nothing like him," Zelda replied quickly.

"In some ways I am," Impa smiled mysteriously. "You seem to be skilled at surrounding yourself with people who find it hard to use the right words. Instead we act, sometimes for good and sometimes for ill."

"I'm just tired of being abandoned, being left on my own without any confirmation at all."

"Why don't you tell him?" Impa asked quietly.

Zelda felt a knot in her stomach. Sudden fear and trepidation overcame her.
"I couldn't. I can't!" she stammered. "I wish I could tell him, but I'm afraid of what he'll say. What if he…. I couldn't take it. I'm afraid…"

Impa was watching her closely.

"I wish he would tell me…" Zelda replied.

"He doesn't need to tell you. As I said before, it isn't his way. He can only show you, in his own way. He shows you every time you see him- with the way he smiles at you, the way he looks at you… it is no secret." Instantly Zelda became aware that they were no longer talking about her father, and the fact that Impa had picked up on that subtle change quicker then Zelda herself showed just how much Impa really knew. Zelda turned her back on Impa, trying to gather her thoughts which had suddenly grown much more complicated.

Zelda pondered deeply upon that statement and the millions of other thoughts that were swimming through her head. Then something her father said pushed its way to the front of her mind.

"He talked about Mama. Father did…" she said quietly, changing the subject.

"He never talks about her."

"He loved her very much. You are so much like her. You have the same grace, the same beauty, and the same gentle manner. She was wise and kind, just like you. She was also strong and determined, like you. I must say, though, that you have inherited your father's stubbornness. Even so, there are times I look at you and swear I'm looking at your mother," Impa paused. "I think that's why it hurts him so much. He misses her terribly."

"He told me," Zelda felt her throat catch, "that she would be ashamed if she could see me now."

Fire instantly burst into Impa's eyes. "That is a lie," she replied emphatically. "I know that wherever your mother is she is proud of you. You are bringing a new dignity and honor to her name. Don't ever let him tell you otherwise.

"He is full of fear and anguish he has never let go of. He's bitter and twisted by his grief. He looks at you and sees your mother and it hurts him, so he hurts you back. It is wrong. You know it, I know it, and he knows it. But you cannot ever let him tell you that you have shamed your mother's name. I knew her well, as well as if she was my sister, and she would be very, very proud of you."

"Thank you," Zelda whispered, hugging her.

"Where is Link?" Impa asked after a moment. "He usually stays for a few days at least. I didn't get to talk to him since I've been back."

"He is gone," there was an odd sense of finality in Zelda's voice.

"Well, I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"I don't think so. Not this time. He left."

"He'll come back," Impa said knowingly.

"No… he was very upset. The people in town…" Zelda hesitated, "they've begun harassing him. They made a public mockery of him. It hurts him that they hate him when he gave up so much to save them… It hurts me, too," Zelda added.

"As it should," Impa said. "It doesn't seem fair that the two people who gave their lives to save this land and bring peace to it should be asked to give their lives again in order to maintain that peace. You two have lead millions of innocent lives into an age of peace and prosperity that leaves you with only misery. It is a truly noble person who sacrifices of themselves once, but it is a glorious person who would do it twice. It just isn't fair, Princess. I am sorry for you both."

Zelda suddenly felt very helpless. She didn't like feeling helpless.
Her thoughts turned back to her nightmares of late. It was time to face them.

"Impa, there's something else I need to talk to you about…"

"One hand extended and touched the glistening surface... Sheik smiled back at her, mischievously and almost beckoningly."

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